Children's Aid and Abuse of "Power"

A child protection worker (CPW) called me a couple of weeks ago. Her name is Kelly Middaugh and she was very nonchalant when she said, "I bet you aren't surprised to hear from me, are you?" She sounded as though she thought it was funny. She had seen my son that afternoon and had to see me. Great. More BS. So we set up an appointment for Friday (it was Wednesday), which was cancelled by her on Friday morning.
Last Friday, she showed up. I was told a few disturbing things before she did show. My son came to me and said, "She is a different worker person Mom!" I asked, "Oh you mean different from Leslie (Coombs) that your dad and Susan made the allegations against me to in August?" My son said, "Oh yeah but also a different worker than the one I saw in December!"
December? Um, okay. "What did you see a worker for in December?" I asked him.
"Oh, when Dad hit me in the face", he told me.
I couldn't speak for what seemed like ten minutes but was probably about ten seconds.
"Okay, what are you talking about?" I asked, trying not to freak out.
So the story unfolded: Curt had hit my son in the face and when a counsellor at the school noticed a red mark on my son's face, he called CAS. (I still feel sick when I think about this). The worker, a woman named Amy, saw my son and pretty much disregarded the fact that Curtis had hit him. IN THE FACE. She told my son that if he behaved, he wouldn't get hit. She also apparently told him that since I was an unfit mother, he would go to a foster home if he kept it up.
Well, my son is not a bad child for one thing. He has never displayed any behaviour I cannot handle or that I think is worrisome. And it gets better....
So Kelly showed up Friday morning. I asked her if it was true that Leslie had told my ex and his girlfriend to keep my son from seeing me (as this is what was said in court). She admitted it was true. She said the allegations were so serious, she had to do that.
So, CAS has cost me thousands of dollars in lawyer's fees as well as money to the government as my ex committed a fraud in regards to my Child Tax Benefit. Oh, let's not forget the stress that has made me ill and made me miss and even fail some classes.
There is no way to fight CAS. I was told by this worker that they will always be around, watching me. I have not harmed my children and my kids will tell anyone that. I invite the workers into my home and I try to be compliant. I AM A SOCIAL SERVICE WORKER MYSELF. But I have to do what they say and I am a prisoner.

Some Kind of Miracle?

For the past 24 hours I have been wondering and wondering why Curtis (yes, I am now using his and Susan's real names) dropped my son off to me. Is he now satisfied knowing that a couple of thousand dollars were wasted on this? Is he happy about the large payment the Canadian government gave him? Is he actually tired of his own child? Is Susan tired of my child?

He told me to be aware of some sort of horrible behaviours from my son. Of course, I have never seen any of these behaviours. Ever. Was he worried that the Children's Aid Society was on to him after his lawyer made up that story in court the last time? I mean, it was pretty cavalier of his 28 year old lawyer to prance her fat ass in the courtroom and lie about CAS being involved in my home. When she told the judge, "The Children's Aid Society is waiting on the sidelines to intervene if Ms. Dunphy is to retain her custody and have the child returned to her", did she think that my lawyer would not bring proof to the judge and the Office of the Children's Lawyer stating otherwise?

I feel terrible that I ever sent my son to see Curt in August. My poor boy cried and said, "I shouldn't have asked to see him when I wasn't even supposed to". BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LET HIM! What is wrong with me?

A Road to Hell

A couple of nights after Carl took Anthony overnight, I called and said I wanted him to send Anthony back home. I was told a few things. First of all, I was called a "f***ed up bitch who didn't deserve any children". I was told that he was going to fight me for custody and that he had called the police and CAS, who told him to keep my son from me to "protect him" from a "dangerous person". I got called every name possible, yelled at and sworn at. Then Carl said, "Anthony f***ing hates you and never wants to speak to you again. Do not call here, you will be arrested." I called back after he hung up. Shortly after, the police and CAS showed up at my door. CAS brought the police because "the caller" (CARL) told the CAS worker that I was very dangerous. It was not the same worker I'd had in the past. She had moved away and shortly before she did, she had closed my case. This was an older woman and she was rude and bossy. She wanted to see my medications. All I take is thyroid medication but she insisted I was on all of these psychiatric drugs and I needed to show her NOW. I had just moved (again) and she wanted me to move furniture because dressers in the kids' rooms were not right against the walls and the beds were near the windows. She had me move a dresser with her although I told her I am prone to sciatica. (I wound up in ER with sciatica the next morning and had to take an unpaid leave from work for three weeks).

I went and got a lawyer. I couldn't do anything about the police and CAS but I might be able to get to see my son. Well, I didn't see my son again until October. In the meantime, my second oldest daughter, Haley moved in with Carl and Anna as well. They were buying her things and letting her do whatever she wanted. So, I had Janelle at home and she was pretty depressed. Everyone was gone and Mom and Dad (as she referred to Daniel as) were sad. Daniel went through a very serious depression and was given all sorts of antidepressants and sleeping pills. I was unable to bear the pain and I cried all the time.

We got a court date in October and Carl was ordered to send Anthony and Haley home. He tried to refuse but they were home in mid-October. My son cried a lot, he was clinging to me, having nightmares and wetting the bed. I was so unsure what to do and the CAS worker was STILL on my ass. I made complaints and they fell on deaf ears. I was so busy trying to get my family back to normal that I lost my job. The job I had held for six years. Daniel wasn't working due to his stress level, I had no job, the kids were a wreck and my landlord was Carl's boss. He ordered us to move out.

Never Gonna Give Up

No matter what, he would have found us. I didn't move out of the city, I didn't change jobs and I didn't change my routine. My counsellor had suggested that I change some of my routine but I honestly thought he would just leave us alone. He probably followed the truck when I was moving my furniture but I never realized it. Two weeks after we had moved, he sent me an email saying he knew where we lived. I told him to go to hell and said he couldn't know. Then he emailed me with my address. He insisted that I let him see the kids. I am so afraid of him so I said he could but it had to be in my house. After a lot of verbal abuse and profanity, he agreed. I told the worker from CAS and she was not impressed about it but she said until I retained a lawyer, it would have to do.

It went on that way for over a year. He still emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me. Daniel was at work a lot and I wouldn't tell him Carl saw the kids but he knew when they misbehaved. I kept saying I would get a lawyer but I didn't think any harm would come out of not having one.

In 2005, I realized just how wrong I was. In October, we started experiencing some issues with my oldest daughter, Caitlynn. She was 15 and she was beginning to get angry that Daniel was trying to "tell her what to do" and he wasn't that much older than she was. She had thought of Carl as her dad since she was seven years old and she had called him. He told her that she could stay with him for a couple of weeks. I was hesitant but she insisted. "He won't hurt me Mom. Anna is there and she won't let him", she told me. Well, it was either that or she would run away so I let her. Caitlynn didn't come back home for a very long time. Carl bought her new clothes, a cell phone, new furniture and anything else she wanted. He told her that I was a very seriously mentally ill person and on drugs and I was dangerous. Meanwhile, I had completed counselling and stopped taking antidepressants! (I haven't taken any antidepressants or tranquilizers since 2005). He eventually had her convinced I was the abusive one and that I had lied to her, causing her to have false memories of him abusing her. (This is something she and I have talked about over the past couple of years. She calls it "the brainwashing" and I often worry about her even though she is now 20). Caitlynn began to hate me, I thought. In fact, Carl told me she did hate me.

Carl still continued to see the kids at the house and in August of 2006 he asked if he could take my son, Anthony overnight. Anthony was seven, about to turn eight and he was going to sleepaway camp for the first time in his life. There had been a couple of deaths in Daniel's family and Carl said he would like to take Anthony overnight to help me out. I said yes and the nightmare really began. My life went downhill from there and it will never be the same again.

Some Background on Me... Ms. C

I lost my first child when I was 19. She was beautiful and perfect. I held her for hours after she was born. She was a little past her due date and for no reason the autopsy could find, she died when I was in labour. I still cry about it now, 21 years later. I had two more beautiful girls with her father and then we divorced.

Then I met the first truly abusive man in my life. I will call him Bill. He was about ten years older than I was. He had other children and had been married twice. I had just turned 24 the week before I met him and he seemed to be nice enough. We started living together and I didn't really notice the control he had over me. My parents mentioned it but I said they were overreacting. I moved from BC to Ontario with him and things went to Hell quickly.

For three and a half years, he abused me and my two girls. I had a baby about two and a half years into living in Ontario and by the time she was 18 months old, Bill tried to kill me. So I need out and fast. I met Carl (not his real name) online in 1997. He is the reason for this blog. He is also the reason Canada needs better child custody laws, as well as better laws to protect women and children.
Carl offered to move me to the city he was living in. It was approximately ten hours from where I was living and it seemed like a safe place. I highly doubted that Bill would go looking for me there. I said yes. Carl and his friends would come and move me.

Was it a good idea? Not really. The man I had chatted with online and spoken to on the phone seemed so sweet and caring. I had a general idea of what he looked like but most of that was a shock to me as well.

Carl walked in my house with a bunch of people. He was swearing right away. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I swear a lot but this was my first meeting with him. What kind of first impression is that? He was shorter than he had told me and he was about 300 pounds. He was dressed like he had just finished working on a car. He had holes in his clothes and they were all stained. His jacket pocket was torn and the pocket was hanging there, looking forlorn. He needed a haircut desperately and his attempt at growing a mustache was laughable. The entire time I was taking all of this in, he was asking me if I was drunk and what the f*** was I doing, sleeping on the couch? (It was 3 am). I couldn't back out. I had just been released from the hospital a few days earlier, after the attack from Bill and I had to move so the kids and I could be safe.

First Off....

I am blogging about my own personal child custody story. A story of Hell and a lack of communication. It is also a story about the lack of rights for even the custodial parents and how abused women and children are treated in Canada.

There will be bits and pieces that are condensed for different reasons but usually it will be in order to not make the story too lengthy or confusing.

Once upon a time, I had security, love and attention. I had parents who loved me and my sisters very much. I was never hit, I never worried about anything and I felt so secure inside that little bubble. My dad vowed that no one would ever be able to hurt me. But my dad can't stop the evil things that happen because I am a grown up now, with my own children. Children I could not protect because I was "too stupid", according to authorities and child protection workers.

Everything I write is true but I will not use the real names of anyone. People have doubted the veracity of my story and when they do, I invite them to read the communications between me and my son's father or the many, many horrible court documents and the affidavits making accusations against me. I invite them to attend court with me and I even show them the documents from the child protections agency that have been served to me. Most of all, I like to show people that, although the child protection agency (Children's Aid) has sent both myself and my ex-common-law husband apology letters, they still visit when my ex calls them. They still invade my home and ask me humiliating questions. Even after I graduated from college as a Social Services Worker and started attending university as a Psychology major.

You may wonder what I am hiding. People ask me that. "Are you hiding something? Anything? This doesn't just happen to good parents or good people!" But I am not leading a double life. I am not abusing my children. And I live a good, clean life. I let my ex (the one terrorizing me) even dictate my life to the point I kicked my husband of several years out of my house. I am willing to do anything for my children. Anything.