I found out from Curt's ex-girlfriend last night that he was not out of town before the last court date. He was seen at work by one of her family members. She told me this when we went for dinner the other night. Interesting. He just makes shit up as he feels necessary.
I got a bill from my lawyer and my retainer has been exhausted. The total is just over $2,900 now. This was supposed to cost me $1,500 and if Curt and Susan didn't eff around with this whole court thing and didn't pull the stupid things they did it would have been that much. If CAS hadn't told my ex to keep my son from me it would have been that much. So here I am, waiting for June 27th to see what happens. In the meantime, I am taking Spring classes at university and my partner has gone to Vancouver for a while. I am going to Toronto soon and have been super busy with the kids.
Oh, I found out I have insomnia, sleep apnea and narcolepsy. So that is pretty awesome. Ahem. But the kids keep me on my toes and things are really going to be okay! I just want this crap over with is all.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
He Couldn't Even Show Up to Court
I have been so busy. Finals, signing up for a new university semester, doctor's appointments and finally being diagnosed with the sleeping disorders that CAS and my ex seem to think I should be persecuted for. Moderate sleep apnea, severe insomnia and a form of narcolepsy. So I am not lazy (like my ex always said I was) and I have to sleep (although CAS thinks it is bad parenting) and I am having more sleep studies done in the upcoming weeks to see what will manage my disorders the best possible way.
But I digress. The case conference was on April 11th. We submitted that I would like to move to Alberta to gain employment and to be closer to my family. We waited for my ex. We were to start at 9:00 am. His lawyer arrived five minutes late and she said he had called her the previous Thursday. He claimed he had been out of town for weeks which was why he had not spoken to her sooner. (My oldest daughter saw him around town so he lied). We waited while his lawyer tried calling him and called her office. Nothing. So we finally began the proceedings. My son's lawyer stated that my son refuses to see his father and that my son told him I tell him to call his father. He said I told him the same thing. Then he said he believes us (and he should as it is true). He told the judge that he does not want to force my son to see his father and the judge agreed. Then my ex's lawyer started with this BS about me calling CAS on my ex and his girlfriend and how CAS is "currently investigating" my lies. She told the judge that apparently Curt has never once called CAS on me and the workers told him that. Funny, the workers told me that he and his girlfriends are the only ones who have ever called CAS on me! Of course CAS still has not submitted a thing to the courts so how can we show that, right? I have no reason to lie. Maybe the workers lie but I know my ex sure does.
So it was determined that on June 27th the judge will decided if I can leave the province to pursue employment and how much child support I will be getting.
In the meantime, my doctor's office called me looking for my ex. It seems he and his girlfriend took my son to my family doctor and caused a big ruckus about me abusing my son and his "horrible behaviour" and got a referral to a pediatrician. So now I have an appointment to sort that out!
Do I call CAS and talk to supervisors and figure out this BS about them lying to me, to the courts, etc? Do I complain about the alienation they created? I am so confused. And angry. I just want out of this hole. I also want to feel better and these sleep studies are so annoying but it may help!
But I digress. The case conference was on April 11th. We submitted that I would like to move to Alberta to gain employment and to be closer to my family. We waited for my ex. We were to start at 9:00 am. His lawyer arrived five minutes late and she said he had called her the previous Thursday. He claimed he had been out of town for weeks which was why he had not spoken to her sooner. (My oldest daughter saw him around town so he lied). We waited while his lawyer tried calling him and called her office. Nothing. So we finally began the proceedings. My son's lawyer stated that my son refuses to see his father and that my son told him I tell him to call his father. He said I told him the same thing. Then he said he believes us (and he should as it is true). He told the judge that he does not want to force my son to see his father and the judge agreed. Then my ex's lawyer started with this BS about me calling CAS on my ex and his girlfriend and how CAS is "currently investigating" my lies. She told the judge that apparently Curt has never once called CAS on me and the workers told him that. Funny, the workers told me that he and his girlfriends are the only ones who have ever called CAS on me! Of course CAS still has not submitted a thing to the courts so how can we show that, right? I have no reason to lie. Maybe the workers lie but I know my ex sure does.
So it was determined that on June 27th the judge will decided if I can leave the province to pursue employment and how much child support I will be getting.
In the meantime, my doctor's office called me looking for my ex. It seems he and his girlfriend took my son to my family doctor and caused a big ruckus about me abusing my son and his "horrible behaviour" and got a referral to a pediatrician. So now I have an appointment to sort that out!
Do I call CAS and talk to supervisors and figure out this BS about them lying to me, to the courts, etc? Do I complain about the alienation they created? I am so confused. And angry. I just want out of this hole. I also want to feel better and these sleep studies are so annoying but it may help!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Children's Aid and Abuse of "Power"
A child protection worker (CPW) called me a couple of weeks ago. Her name is Kelly Middaugh and she was very nonchalant when she said, "I bet you aren't surprised to hear from me, are you?" She sounded as though she thought it was funny. She had seen my son that afternoon and had to see me. Great. More BS. So we set up an appointment for Friday (it was Wednesday), which was cancelled by her on Friday morning.
Last Friday, she showed up. I was told a few disturbing things before she did show. My son came to me and said, "She is a different worker person Mom!" I asked, "Oh you mean different from Leslie (Coombs) that your dad and Susan made the allegations against me to in August?" My son said, "Oh yeah but also a different worker than the one I saw in December!"
December? Um, okay. "What did you see a worker for in December?" I asked him.
"Oh, when Dad hit me in the face", he told me.
I couldn't speak for what seemed like ten minutes but was probably about ten seconds.
"Okay, what are you talking about?" I asked, trying not to freak out.
So the story unfolded: Curt had hit my son in the face and when a counsellor at the school noticed a red mark on my son's face, he called CAS. (I still feel sick when I think about this). The worker, a woman named Amy, saw my son and pretty much disregarded the fact that Curtis had hit him. IN THE FACE. She told my son that if he behaved, he wouldn't get hit. She also apparently told him that since I was an unfit mother, he would go to a foster home if he kept it up.
Well, my son is not a bad child for one thing. He has never displayed any behaviour I cannot handle or that I think is worrisome. And it gets better....
So Kelly showed up Friday morning. I asked her if it was true that Leslie had told my ex and his girlfriend to keep my son from seeing me (as this is what was said in court). She admitted it was true. She said the allegations were so serious, she had to do that.
So, CAS has cost me thousands of dollars in lawyer's fees as well as money to the government as my ex committed a fraud in regards to my Child Tax Benefit. Oh, let's not forget the stress that has made me ill and made me miss and even fail some classes.
There is no way to fight CAS. I was told by this worker that they will always be around, watching me. I have not harmed my children and my kids will tell anyone that. I invite the workers into my home and I try to be compliant. I AM A SOCIAL SERVICE WORKER MYSELF. But I have to do what they say and I am a prisoner.
Last Friday, she showed up. I was told a few disturbing things before she did show. My son came to me and said, "She is a different worker person Mom!" I asked, "Oh you mean different from Leslie (Coombs) that your dad and Susan made the allegations against me to in August?" My son said, "Oh yeah but also a different worker than the one I saw in December!"
December? Um, okay. "What did you see a worker for in December?" I asked him.
"Oh, when Dad hit me in the face", he told me.
I couldn't speak for what seemed like ten minutes but was probably about ten seconds.
"Okay, what are you talking about?" I asked, trying not to freak out.
So the story unfolded: Curt had hit my son in the face and when a counsellor at the school noticed a red mark on my son's face, he called CAS. (I still feel sick when I think about this). The worker, a woman named Amy, saw my son and pretty much disregarded the fact that Curtis had hit him. IN THE FACE. She told my son that if he behaved, he wouldn't get hit. She also apparently told him that since I was an unfit mother, he would go to a foster home if he kept it up.
Well, my son is not a bad child for one thing. He has never displayed any behaviour I cannot handle or that I think is worrisome. And it gets better....
So Kelly showed up Friday morning. I asked her if it was true that Leslie had told my ex and his girlfriend to keep my son from seeing me (as this is what was said in court). She admitted it was true. She said the allegations were so serious, she had to do that.
So, CAS has cost me thousands of dollars in lawyer's fees as well as money to the government as my ex committed a fraud in regards to my Child Tax Benefit. Oh, let's not forget the stress that has made me ill and made me miss and even fail some classes.
There is no way to fight CAS. I was told by this worker that they will always be around, watching me. I have not harmed my children and my kids will tell anyone that. I invite the workers into my home and I try to be compliant. I AM A SOCIAL SERVICE WORKER MYSELF. But I have to do what they say and I am a prisoner.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Still a Victim
We had a continuance of the case conference Tuesday and the judge was, well in all honesty, an idiot. A bitch. Stupid as hell. She kept telling us that my son needs support, etc and she was looking at ME. Maybe because my ex is such a slob he was scaring her. Oh wait, no she was looking at me because SHE BLAMES ME. There is a substantial history here. Curtis lies, he takes my child, HE calls Children's Aid on me and I get screwed over. Historically, judges haven't really believed his lies. Why now? He and that woman abused and used my family and they get away with it. I have been enduring his abuse for nearly 14 years now.My children have been as well and now he is using the courts to do it. I am tired of this garbage. I am about to lose my mind. No one cares how broken we are. And who will put us all back together?
I don't need blame. I need understanding. That judge should be ashamed. She puts feminists back about 80 years.
I don't need blame. I need understanding. That judge should be ashamed. She puts feminists back about 80 years.
Friday, February 4, 2011
28 Days Later
Give or take a day....
My son is adjusting. It is not easy but he has "spilled the beans" so to speak. He told me a lot of disturbing things. Susan would tell him to "shut the f*** up" several times a day. She also called him an asshole. I am furious about this. No one should talk to a child that way and she talks to her own children that way. So does my ex and he was constantly yelling at my son as well. My son had no heat in his bedroom. We live in Northern Ontario! It has been in the minus 20 area for a couple of months now. Geez. Oh and whenever my son would tell Susan, "I am going to my room", she would remind him that it was HER son's room not his room. She would also remind him, "This is my house not your dad's. He just pays the bills so I let him stay here with you". What a lovely lady she is. (Sarcasm, obviously).
I bought my son a new snowsuit at Sears because he was wearing a coat that was two sizes too big and was stained and had tears in it. His snow pants were too small and did not match even remotely. His DC shoes I had bought him were thrown out for some friggin' reason so we went out and got him new shoes. And his socks? Susan gave them all to her kids, except for one pair. Soooo, socks were needed as well. His backpack was falling apart - new one. Now, I am not bitter about this at all... I am more than happy to provide for my child, however, Curtis received $400 a month from the government for my son. He also didn't pay for his lawyer; HE was eligible for Legal Aid. Funny. I am in university and I did not qualify, yet he works and he did?
I submitted my update to the courts in preparation for court on Tuesday morning and his response was emailed to me this morning by my lawyer. He did not respond to the allegations my son made in regards to abuse, etc. He simply stated that he returned the minor child to his mother on January 7th, 2011 and that he would like to have "generous access" to my son. Are you freakin' KIDDING ME?! LOL! When my son's lawyer asked me last Friday, "What will you do if Curtis calls and wants to see your son?" I said that I would not let him take my son from my home ever again. I said, "I do not trust him, he has done this three times now. I am ashamed that I let this happen to my child ONCE, nevermind three times!" He said that it needs to stop because my son needs stability. Well, he will get stability now. I am so embarrassed. I am an educated, mature woman who has raised four children. How and why did I let this happen?
I am so lucky that my son does not hate me. I have not protected him and neither have the courts. Now that I know that my son was being held there with bribes, lies and threats, it will never happen again. Because that is what he told me, that is what his uncle told me and what his uncle's wife told me. Yet the cops, lawyers and judges let this happen to us over and over and over again. I am not going to let this go. I may not have very much time right now to take care of this, but I will this spring. I am going to make sure that people are aware of my story and that Curtis and Susan do not get away with this.
My son is adjusting. It is not easy but he has "spilled the beans" so to speak. He told me a lot of disturbing things. Susan would tell him to "shut the f*** up" several times a day. She also called him an asshole. I am furious about this. No one should talk to a child that way and she talks to her own children that way. So does my ex and he was constantly yelling at my son as well. My son had no heat in his bedroom. We live in Northern Ontario! It has been in the minus 20 area for a couple of months now. Geez. Oh and whenever my son would tell Susan, "I am going to my room", she would remind him that it was HER son's room not his room. She would also remind him, "This is my house not your dad's. He just pays the bills so I let him stay here with you". What a lovely lady she is. (Sarcasm, obviously).
I bought my son a new snowsuit at Sears because he was wearing a coat that was two sizes too big and was stained and had tears in it. His snow pants were too small and did not match even remotely. His DC shoes I had bought him were thrown out for some friggin' reason so we went out and got him new shoes. And his socks? Susan gave them all to her kids, except for one pair. Soooo, socks were needed as well. His backpack was falling apart - new one. Now, I am not bitter about this at all... I am more than happy to provide for my child, however, Curtis received $400 a month from the government for my son. He also didn't pay for his lawyer; HE was eligible for Legal Aid. Funny. I am in university and I did not qualify, yet he works and he did?
I submitted my update to the courts in preparation for court on Tuesday morning and his response was emailed to me this morning by my lawyer. He did not respond to the allegations my son made in regards to abuse, etc. He simply stated that he returned the minor child to his mother on January 7th, 2011 and that he would like to have "generous access" to my son. Are you freakin' KIDDING ME?! LOL! When my son's lawyer asked me last Friday, "What will you do if Curtis calls and wants to see your son?" I said that I would not let him take my son from my home ever again. I said, "I do not trust him, he has done this three times now. I am ashamed that I let this happen to my child ONCE, nevermind three times!" He said that it needs to stop because my son needs stability. Well, he will get stability now. I am so embarrassed. I am an educated, mature woman who has raised four children. How and why did I let this happen?
I am so lucky that my son does not hate me. I have not protected him and neither have the courts. Now that I know that my son was being held there with bribes, lies and threats, it will never happen again. Because that is what he told me, that is what his uncle told me and what his uncle's wife told me. Yet the cops, lawyers and judges let this happen to us over and over and over again. I am not going to let this go. I may not have very much time right now to take care of this, but I will this spring. I am going to make sure that people are aware of my story and that Curtis and Susan do not get away with this.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Some Kind of Miracle?
For the past 24 hours I have been wondering and wondering why Curtis (yes, I am now using his and Susan's real names) dropped my son off to me. Is he now satisfied knowing that a couple of thousand dollars were wasted on this? Is he happy about the large payment the Canadian government gave him? Is he actually tired of his own child? Is Susan tired of my child?
He told me to be aware of some sort of horrible behaviours from my son. Of course, I have never seen any of these behaviours. Ever. Was he worried that the Children's Aid Society was on to him after his lawyer made up that story in court the last time? I mean, it was pretty cavalier of his 28 year old lawyer to prance her fat ass in the courtroom and lie about CAS being involved in my home. When she told the judge, "The Children's Aid Society is waiting on the sidelines to intervene if Ms. Dunphy is to retain her custody and have the child returned to her", did she think that my lawyer would not bring proof to the judge and the Office of the Children's Lawyer stating otherwise?
I feel terrible that I ever sent my son to see Curt in August. My poor boy cried and said, "I shouldn't have asked to see him when I wasn't even supposed to". BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LET HIM! What is wrong with me?
He told me to be aware of some sort of horrible behaviours from my son. Of course, I have never seen any of these behaviours. Ever. Was he worried that the Children's Aid Society was on to him after his lawyer made up that story in court the last time? I mean, it was pretty cavalier of his 28 year old lawyer to prance her fat ass in the courtroom and lie about CAS being involved in my home. When she told the judge, "The Children's Aid Society is waiting on the sidelines to intervene if Ms. Dunphy is to retain her custody and have the child returned to her", did she think that my lawyer would not bring proof to the judge and the Office of the Children's Lawyer stating otherwise?
I feel terrible that I ever sent my son to see Curt in August. My poor boy cried and said, "I shouldn't have asked to see him when I wasn't even supposed to". BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LET HIM! What is wrong with me?
Friday, January 7, 2011
At Last
I know my last blog was more confusing than anything. Now, this entry will be confusing but probably not because of the way I am writing it. Probably because this is so unbelieveable.
So, I have had some court ordered visits over the Christmas break but my ex, Curtis has not gone by the court ordered times and dates. His girlfriend, Susan insists on making it difficult for me. That is another story though.
I was recently diagnosed with a sleep disorder and I am easily fatigued. I had done a 14 hour fast to get blood work and I was tired after fasting, getting six vials of blood taken and walking a couple of miles today so I went for a nap. I slept for an hour or so and woke to my home phone and my cell phone both showing that I had several missed calls and three voice mails. As I began to check my voice mail, I got a call from my son. He said that his dad wanted to talk to me and I immediately prepared myself for the yelling. I had been told off a few times over the phone recently so I may as well brace myself!
"He wants to come home", Curtis told me. I was shocked. "Um, what?" was all I could choke out. "I don't know", he said. "He just wants to go home and I am not going to fight it. He and Susan are butting heads, he is being a bad kid and I am bringing him back." I heard her in the background, bitching about how my son is bad and causing problems in the house. Curtis gave the phone back to my son, who began to cry.
Curtis dropped him off a couple of hours later. He wanted me to go outside (in minus ten degrees) so I put on my coat and boots and went to talk to him. He was in the driveway and I stood at the top of the four steps in front of my door. I wanted to stand above him and show I was not afraid. He was angry and he said, "First off, don't take everything he says seriously. He will say a lot of shit but he tends to make shit up." I just looked at him and said, "Okay. What is this all about?" He sighed and said something about my son not getting along with Susan and not liking the rules, etc. He said he needs counselling and that my son has a "very bad temper". I said he had not had one in the past but Curtis insisted that my son has always had a bad temper. He then told me my son apparently threw his aunt's son on the floor and he can't get along with anyone.
After he left, I took my son up to my room and we talked. He told me that Susan likes to call him an "asshole". HE IS 12 YEARS OLD! She also yells to him and the other kids to "shut the f*** up" on a regular basis. She tells him terrible things about me and yes, they DID alienate him. He was told, before we went to court, that he was not to contact me in any way at all. He was told that my daughters and I were bad for him and a bunch of other BS.
So, Children's Aid and some other people will be getting a blast from me! They let this go on for the past five months and now my son says he never wants to see Susan again. I am so relieved but also pretty pissed off.
So, I have had some court ordered visits over the Christmas break but my ex, Curtis has not gone by the court ordered times and dates. His girlfriend, Susan insists on making it difficult for me. That is another story though.
I was recently diagnosed with a sleep disorder and I am easily fatigued. I had done a 14 hour fast to get blood work and I was tired after fasting, getting six vials of blood taken and walking a couple of miles today so I went for a nap. I slept for an hour or so and woke to my home phone and my cell phone both showing that I had several missed calls and three voice mails. As I began to check my voice mail, I got a call from my son. He said that his dad wanted to talk to me and I immediately prepared myself for the yelling. I had been told off a few times over the phone recently so I may as well brace myself!
"He wants to come home", Curtis told me. I was shocked. "Um, what?" was all I could choke out. "I don't know", he said. "He just wants to go home and I am not going to fight it. He and Susan are butting heads, he is being a bad kid and I am bringing him back." I heard her in the background, bitching about how my son is bad and causing problems in the house. Curtis gave the phone back to my son, who began to cry.
Curtis dropped him off a couple of hours later. He wanted me to go outside (in minus ten degrees) so I put on my coat and boots and went to talk to him. He was in the driveway and I stood at the top of the four steps in front of my door. I wanted to stand above him and show I was not afraid. He was angry and he said, "First off, don't take everything he says seriously. He will say a lot of shit but he tends to make shit up." I just looked at him and said, "Okay. What is this all about?" He sighed and said something about my son not getting along with Susan and not liking the rules, etc. He said he needs counselling and that my son has a "very bad temper". I said he had not had one in the past but Curtis insisted that my son has always had a bad temper. He then told me my son apparently threw his aunt's son on the floor and he can't get along with anyone.
After he left, I took my son up to my room and we talked. He told me that Susan likes to call him an "asshole". HE IS 12 YEARS OLD! She also yells to him and the other kids to "shut the f*** up" on a regular basis. She tells him terrible things about me and yes, they DID alienate him. He was told, before we went to court, that he was not to contact me in any way at all. He was told that my daughters and I were bad for him and a bunch of other BS.
So, Children's Aid and some other people will be getting a blast from me! They let this go on for the past five months and now my son says he never wants to see Susan again. I am so relieved but also pretty pissed off.
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